15/08/08

So posting has been absent for a few days, and here's why - exam results. The bane of my fucking life (I think I may have said this before, perhaps about something/someone else, but I do not care), and they persisted to haunt my dreams for days before they were released.

And I'm not even kidding about that. I dreamed I walked to school for results and got Gs and Es and Us and so many crap results I couldnt figure out what I'd actually got overall in each subject. And by Wednesday night I was just in collapse mode. I have not been so anxious about anything, ever. GCSE results panic was nothing in comparison. Which I am sure means that next year, A2 results, will cause a panic so huge that limbs will be lost, ships sunk, and general riotous behaviour will break out amongst the people.

So on Thursday morning I make the long, five minute walk up to school listening to This Old Heart of Mine by the Isley Brothers, to add a sense of motown to the eclipsing panic, and get my results from the deputy head. AAAA. GET THE FUCK IN. I was completely gobsmacked (eg. I folded up the paper to call my mum and then had to open it again just to make sure I hadn't read it incorrectly), and even though I'd got a C in Chemistry in January, I still managed to get an A overall. It was fantastic. Dr J (Chem teacher) was there and said well done to me, and I just went 'I GOT AN A' and waved my results at him, even though he already knew them.

I wasn't even hoping for all As. I mean the optimistic hope was AABB. No way could I have got an A in history after that abysmal exam - the one I didn't even finish and felt like having a breakdown in. But I did! And I got full marks in the Russia paper! The frigging paper of DEATH! (Admittedly it was the one I actually finished). I am still on a high even now, a day later. I am unstoppable. And I am going to kung-fu next year's work into submission.

Other people's results, just so I remember them (it's really hard to remember everyones results!) : Louisa - BCCD, Lizzie - AAAA, Steve - AABB, James - AAAB, Will - AAAB (ha!), Rose - BCCC, Beth - AAC.

So went to town with Beth and her boyfriend after results and had celebratory hot chocolate... because we rock. And her boyfriend got scouted by Toni + Guy to be a model, which was really quite surreal. I suppose thats what happens if you stand in the town centre chatting long enough. So now I am free to enjoy the rest of my summer before my last year of school!

11/08/08

Ok so I'm half an hour into Kevin McCloud's Big Town Plan and they still haven't actually done anything to Castleford. Bored Now. And the Darwin programme that was on beforehand was just publicity for Dawkin's Selfish Gene hypothesis and he just really annoys me still. I think this is why I don't watch TV very much. Olympics have been on the last few days, I like the swimming and the diving (synchronised tiny briefs, mmm), and that's pretty much the sum of my last few days. Recluse week is officially underway.

Went to bed at half 5 this morning and got up at around half 3 this afternoon, oh woe is my body clock (circadian rhythms anyone? ;D) and watched The Pursuit of Happyness, which is actually quite a nice predictable film. And I think I'm going to watch Coach Carter in a bit too. Gotta love films to pass the time - however I do need to go to sleep earlier and sort my clock out.

Last night, on msn... Louisa asked me 'what is going on between us?', and I replied with 'nothing that I know of'. To be honest it did come out of the blue, especially as lately I've been thinking about Alex instead of Will, let alone Louisa. Blargh! So we left it there because I had no idea what she was trying to say and it was 1am and that's really no time for a long discussion.

Perhaps worst of all (I don't know what the other bad things are...), results are on Thursday, which I am silently very down about and I wish they would just hurry up and happen so I can see what I have to do next year to get into uni, and how hard I'll have to plead to the headmaster so I can apply to Oxford. AABB is my optimistic hope, but realistically, it's not going to happen, and that's a little bit upsetting. Also the fact that 14/30 of last year's History class got a D or less is frightening me about my chances as well. AARGH! I'm going to get really depressed about my results, I can feel it. However, hopefully I will be invigorated to work so hard I melt and write a great personal statement and stuff... oh dear dear me.

09/08/08

Well I am very tired now, on the verge of sleep (which is good, as it means I'll be going to bed at a reasonable time for once!) Have been very tired today after Rose's party last night, basically just eaten ice cream and takeaway and watched movies since I returned - Wall-E and The Simpsons Movie, neither of which were anything special.

So Rose's party was a mixed affair. No Will to worry about apparently, as he is on holiday somewhere (I'm going to guess Cornwall), so it was a Will-free evening. Which meant I couldn't be like "SO YOURE NOT TALKING TO ME STILL" but I suppose that's a good thing. There weren't that many people there to begin with but by 10/11-ish it was better. And Alex was there, and he got a wee bit drunk on vodka and sprite (trust me, it was 9 parts vodka to 1 part sprite), but I did not rape him, so I am very proud. I was on the cider which got me tipsy enough and a tiny bit nauseous, but no vomit which is always good.

Hmm not really sure what to say happened. Rose got with Harris again (this time in her bed, rather than in a field), and I was kinda close with Alex cos we were sleeping on the floor next to each other, but Louisa, the prick, decided to move and put her pillow in between our legs which split us up! I was really pissed off to be honest. Not that anything was going to happen. But lying next to him and feeling his arm touching mine was like.. yeah I'd happily sleep with boys for the rest of my life. Seriously was so cute when he was sleeping. And he snored, which usually pisses me off, but I actually really liked it - surely a bad sign! Got the bus home afterwards this morning (with several of the partygoers including Alex, but he doesn't do speaking on buses. Eejit.) and also met Beth on the bus, which was really random but good cos it enabled us to have a tiny catch up of the previous night's events.

Went to Beth's on Wednesday night with Louisa which was pretty ace, we got some disposable barbecues from Sainsburys and had burgers and put up the tent in her garden (which is surrounded by farmland/arable fields, not some inner city patch of grass), and slept there! Me and Louisa sang along to songs on her iPod until about half 2 in the morning which was cool. Oh and I'd bought cheesecake in Sainsburys on a whim which I then had for breakfast and it was goood. But after Rose's last night, it means my week of going out and socialising and partying is over! Oh no! What am I going to do...?! It is true that I have never had as much alcohol in one week as this one just gone... shame on me!

And on a really random note, Alex told me Sam Round had herpes (hahaha!). How truthful this statement was is debatable. Who cares. And on another quite random note, I got bitten on the wrist by some kind of evil insect at Rose's house and its very itchy. Hmph.

06/08/08

Well I went to Rose's house last night for small gathering which was good fun (yay, going out of the house!). The other guests were Lizzie, Louisa, Alice and even Ruth for a few hours. We played Cluedo, Monopoly, watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show (much to Lizzie and Louisa's horror) and generally drank the night away. However I am now incredibly shattered, which bad because I have to meet Beth in about an hour for camping fun at hers - though we may not camp as the weather is iffy.

The one thing that really upset me though at Rose's was Lizzie constantly texting Will. It resulted in me being very bitter towards her when really I'm just bitter at Will. It infuriates me so because its been like... 11 days or something since I text him, so I presume I'm not getting a reply. Example of cattiness included: Lizzie - "Damn my phone doesn't have loughborough on predictive text", Me -"Does it have dickhead?". I was so very wraagh. And then I realised that I am actually really depressed all the time and realising this just makes me sadder, yet I still can't cry about anything. Even now with a full social calendar for a few days, I feel like absolute shit.

On the family front, Marie and Adam left yesterday, but I stayed at home instead of going to Rose's earlier on so I could say goodbye to her again. This is another thing that makes me unhappy. Jayne is still here until Friday but I will be out and about and therefore won't see much of her, which is probably for the best as she is writing a project that has to be due in soon so she can become a fully qualified chartered surveyor (and get a pay rise! wahey!).

I've just tried to fit in a few hours of catch up sleep into the day but it hasn't worked very well, I am now incredibly sleepy after waking up and Beth won't be happy if me and Louisa turn up this evening in a gormless state. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay awake for. Oh and also, on the bus back from Rose's this morning, I met my old friend (and even ex-girlfriend) Phoebe, which was quite awkward as I was sufficiently dead to prevent a good flow of conversation. She's in the summer show at the local theatre which I used to do, however this year's show sounded crap so I couldn't be bothered to audition for it. And the bus driver short changed me and had a go at me about how I should have flagged him down using my hand (I had actually been on the phone and turned the other way, and had no idea the bus was approaching), which really pissed me off, but he looked a bit of a skanky fellow so I let the 10p I was missing go. Such a kind soul.

04/08/08

Mmm so I think today was nicer than yesterday as it was more relaxed, and Jayne when she arrived was very personable to all (and Jayne and Marie acted like children as they do when they're together). Adam seemed more relaxed today too and we went out for dinner again this evening which was fine. I still wasn't very talkative which is a shame, especially if I don't see Marie again before she leaves tomorrow. However now that I've said goodbye I might feel a bit silly saying goodbye again (not to Marie, its just I did the whole shaking Adam's hand thing which just seems odd to repeat).

As tomorrow night I am going to stay at Rose's for her birthday with Lizzie and Louisa. Which should be great if I am feeling in the right sort of mood. Otherwise I'll just be a huge bitch and be very sad about Will and Marie leaving and all sorts really. And Lizzie wants to talk to Louisa about me for some reason... whatever. On another 'bright side of things' note, Alex will be going to Rose's proper party on Friday so I might feel him up a little bit because I haven't seen him in ages and my brain keeps doing it when it gets bored. :D And he said he'd bring me some booze... which means he wants me drunk - aha, how drunk do you reckon he'd have to be for anything to happen? VERY, I think the answer is. Or, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS. Which is a bit harsher, but probably truer. If only he didn't look so gay in his msn display picture. Then there'd be no problem.

"innocent flirtation never hurt nobody" say Flamboyant Bella. Lies. All lies.

03/08/08

Here endeth a long day where I really didn't do very much, if I'm honest. So it was the mother's birthday, I bought birthday cake and after eights and an apron (on request, I wasn't hinting she should cook more), and my sister Marie arrived with her new boyfriend (Adam). Which was interesting.

The five of us went out to a pub for dinner which went averagely well, except I had gone into a very non-talkative mood (not the snappy kind, just the quiet kind) and I'm sure Adam must think me a bit weird. Perhaps very weird. Ah well, maybe she'll get a new one? Except she's not really like that when it comes to boyfriends so I should probably attempt befriendment. I'm still not sure if I like him. He seems like a nice guy (though with his muscled build and tall stature I would not like to see him angry), but his wrist tattoo and ring concerned me somewhat... I do realise I sound snobbish but my sister is amazing and she deserves someone equally amazing. He also went out to the pub with my dad after we got home (leaving me, Marie and mum to watch Marple) and I felt really bad for him because it was like trapping a small animal... he couldn't exactly say no when my dad asked him to the pub, but then he turned to Marie and was like - "are you coming?" - aww. I decided not to go which was wise as the lounge, ergo the pool table, was shut, and I don't even know if I'm old enough to be in the bar.

Wow, a fairly long paragraph there, but it was needed. Jayne (the other sister) is home tomorrow which should be... interesting once again. Fiery temper. I think we might've hyped her up as evil to Adam and he might be a little bit afraid. I'm sure she'll be 'cordial' towards him. And probably murder the rest of us for doing tiny things wrong. She's very "particular". He'll survive. And we told him about Auntie Sarah and getting a large dinner if you call her before you visit - which interested him very much! I reiterate, he's nice enough.

In non-family news, Alice had a total meltdown about Bellie issues which got really horrible (as it turns out he's cheated on her again), but hopefully I managed to console her a little bit, and then I'm sure Lizzie will take the credit for this with some warped logic. Still haven't heard from Will *cough* dickhead *cough* and haven't spoken to Steve/Alex in a few days. Rose is having her birthday party this Friday which should be awesome and she also wants to do something for her birthday which is actually on Wednesday... I think I might actually be out more than I'm at home this week, YES!

01/08/08

Well hello August, marking 7 months of Will being a complete eejit! Fantastic (-obviously, he has yet to text me back). On the other hand, my thoughts have been turning more and more towards Alex over the last few days, initially inspired by a dirty dream but then later that day he started talking to me on msn (not something we usually do), which I took as a sign and therefore asked him out. Wait no that's not something I'd do, I did sweet fuck all.

Last night was spent calming Alice down about all of her stresses in life, which I solved by putting a positive spin on all of them, and telling her to get into her pyjamas, watch Grey's Anatomy with a hot chocolate and go to bed. I am wonderful. ("Ledgend" - I don't care that it was spelt incorrectly, it's the thought that counts).

I was supposed to be going to Birmingham with Louisa today to see The Dark Knight on IMAX (IMAX, WOO) but she could not get to the train station which very very very much annoyed me as I now have nothing to do. Also, as it's my mum's birthday on the 3rd, and my sisters (and one boyfriend) are coming home, I would have liked to have something to say, eg. I went to see The Dark Knight on IMAX and it was awesome. At the moment all I have to say is that I've been reading Bond books, Biology books, and going outside just enough so that I don't get rickets.

Steve is being a bit evasive about meeting up with me and I wonder if he is going down the same path as Will, which would be a damned shame and I will fight a lot harder for Steve if that is how it's going. I definitely need to get out more. Do some socialising before the end of summer... wow and that way I could go back to school with many many friends and be like "look at all my friends I rock". So not happening. I need to find someone to do something with this Tuesday, as thats when my mum and my sisters are going to some health spa, leaving me, my dad and my sister's boyfriend in the house together. No thankyou. Tempted to ask Alex out to town (cinema?), but am a bit afraid after we went to see Hadouken and Bell teased him and called it a man-date. Grr and Hmm. Also as my dad has decided to take 'redoing the kitchen' to a new level today, it means we have no water. Which means I am unwashed. And there is nothing more I hate in this world.